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| AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT (AWNAA) |
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Politics |
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| The Joke |
WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - President Obama and the US
Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which
provides new benefits for many Americans. The
Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being
hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the
millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the
competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful
role for themselves in society," said House Speaker
Nancy Pelosi. "We can no longer stand by and allow
People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
With this legislation, employers will no longer be
able to grant special favors to a small group of
workers, simply because they do a better job, or have
some idea of what they are doing."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal
Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance.
Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job
skills, making this agency the single largest US employer
of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of
nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail
sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home
improvement warehouse stores (65%). The DMV also
has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than
25 million "middle man" positions will be created,
with important-sounding titles but little real
responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions
will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even
the most unremarkable employees. The legislation
provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which
maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability
in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small
and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires !
Finally, the AWNAA ACT contains tough new measures
to make it more difficult to discriminate against
the Non-abled, banning discriminatory interview
questions such as "Do you have any goals for the
future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience
which relate to this job?"
'As a Non-abled Person, I can't be expected to keep
up with people who have something going for them,'
said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a
lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan,
due to her inability to remember 'righty tighty,
lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for
people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of
this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented
citizens will finally see a light at the end of
the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with
no abilities, I believe the same privileges that
elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort
of job in this great nation and a good salary with it.
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